Baptism By Fire, Part III, Feelings of “Stuck”

Have you ever felt like you are coming up against a glass ceiling?

Continuing on the theme of Baptism By Fire (“BFF”), I find that many of my own BFFs happen after a period of feeling stuck.  I make progress and perhaps even see a triumph on the horizon and I freeze.  Paralysed into inaction.  Fear is not only in the house, he is tearing it down.  A stubborn “No” takes over my mind and body.

It is as though a glass ceiling suddenly appeared and there is no up but to bust through or stay below.  For sure I know I am going no further until I deal with whatever needs clearing before I get to bust through to the next level.

And I start doing all the things that allow me to tune out whatever I am avoiding.

Often this feeling of stuck is not the fear that we are not enough but the fear that underlies the fear, that maybe we are the one that actually turns out not be wrong thinking we can’t do it.

Everyone else thinks we can do it, and we think so too but there is a part of us that thinks, “What if I am wrong, I might not be able to do this” and it is this fear that keeps us trapped and playing small.

Then again, maybe we can do this and then who would that make us?  There is a huge difference between talking about something, doing something about it and being successful doing it, those three phases are our lifetime’s work!

Yes, this a DEEP fear we are unveiling.

The scenario of creating struggle creates the need for help, and when need help we get help.  And the cycle continues.

If we are no longer struggling some (myself included along this rocky yet beautiful path) may feel that no-one will be there for them, they have an essential distrust of people being there for them in the first place.  By creating a need, as in the struggle, they create a scenario for a helper to step in.

This is a conditioning from a childhood where attention was given “as needed” and often when in pain (aka struggle) so in adulthood the pattern is recreated to attract the need to be in need.

Of course there is also the one who needs to be needed.  They come to their brilliance when needed, they can be tenacious and are great to have on your side.  However when they are not needed they feel out of their power and act out, at these times it is best to steer clear of them completely.

Again this is a deep seated condition from childhood where they probably only received love on a need by need basis and based their view of love on that.  Often they can precede a display of affection with an act of violence.

Basically the only way they can give love is to hurt first and then “make it better.” They are the ones who bombard through the world and then regret that they might have gone too far this time and try to “make it better.”

When the two come together, the need to be in need and the need to be needed, a co-dependent relationship ensues and can be very toxic.

That said, everyone needs help, the thing is how you get it (and why) and what you do with it when you get it.  Do it store it away, perhaps neatly filed, or do you take it and implement what you can?

And if you are the one giving help, why do you give help?  Is it to be of service or it is a deep seated need to be needed?

It is always good to remember that people help people that take action on the advice given.  Otherwise they may stop offering advice!

And for those who give advice, remember the cardinal rule, do not do it unless you are invited to or you ask permission before doing so. 

Where are you on the advice scale, more a giver or receiver?  I would love to know.

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