ooking back€¦

A beautiful Sunday evening with my honey.  We have a busy week ahead implementing all we have been learning.  It is time to launch our new program.  It is another step on our path that requires us to be brave and committed to our vision.

Sunday evenings are something I now look forward to.  I say “now” because I can still remember vividly the sinking feeling that would slip into my body and mind as Sunday afternoon approached.  Chances were that I worked part of Saturday and would have a long week ahead.

Even in the freedom of my small amount of precious time, I could not break free of the chains of pain my job and lifestyle were causing me.  Sadness and apathy for life seeped through my every moment, and I could not work out why.

For me, my awakening took nearly dying to occur.  There’s nothing like a brush with death to start getting priorities dialed in.

On September 9, it will be the 10 year anniversary of my fire.  Today I wondered what my life might look like had I not taken that opportunity to get out when I did.  At that time I had quietly piled in the pounds up to 200lbs.  I was often sick and never well.  I was financially rich yet my life was poor.

In the decade since the fire I had become more of me than I ever was.  I was chasing other people’s dreams and aspirations yet still not pleasing them.  I certainly was not pleasing myself.  And then I said “Enough.”  If no-one else is going to be happy then I am going to do what makes ME happy.

And that was the start of this volume.  In the beginning life was a little strange and very unfamiliar.  EVERYTHING changed.  My daily routine, my wardrobe, my hair, my food, my values, my friends, to the places I hung out, everything was different and nothing was the same.

At first it was a strange place to be.  Yet I knew I should be right where I was.  I didn’t miss my life in the fast lane of corporate law.  I didn’t miss spending my time, energy and money at expensive restaurants and bars only to go home pretty drunk and suffer the next day. 

One of my most favorite things was not having to “put on a uniform” and “fit in.”  The biggest thing was having the freedom of my time.  Time is most valuable asset and I just do not do well when others manage MY time!

Transition is not easy but staying stuck is more painful in the long run.

And then the day came
when the pain to remain
closed, tight in a bud
became more than the pain
it took to blossom
Anais Nin


Taking the step to the other side requires a deep breath, an open heart and a bucket overloaded with trust.  Most of all it requires a pain so deep that there is no alternative but to step into the unknown, when the “known” is such a painful existence the unknown becomes less scary and actually a little exciting!

Only when we feel the revulsion of samsara will we effect a change.”  HH Dalai Lama

By taking that first step we show our commitment to the Universe of the change we wish to see.  Only then can change begin to occur.  When we want to make a change we have to create a space for change to happen.  And it is in that space that we can feel at our most awkward.  We might even mourn the loss of that which did not necessarily serve us yet felt familiar.  It is a kind of grieving process. 

The space created by the transition allows time for the process of grieving to occur.  In order to have a new beginning there has to be an ending. 

What in your life do you need to stop in order to begin?

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