Do you ever have that feeling that there just has to be more to life than this?

Maybe it is just a whisper that comes to you occasionally.  Perhaps when you are relaxed and out in nature.  Or maybe it knocks louder and louder waiting for you to open the door?

That is how I felt when I came back from a trip to Mexico in October 2000.  I was between law firms and had 2 weeks off.  I had never been on vacation on my own.

Yes I moved across the world on my own and I traveled on business trips alone, yet I had never vacationed alone.

Remember I was a serial monogamist and lived with 3 people over a 12 year period from 18-30.  I arrived here at 30, newly separated from my then partner, yearning to be single and uncomplicated.

I wanted some to time to figure out me.  Through my formative adult years I had been playing a role that was not mine to play.  I am thankful I had the strength to get out of each one and not get stuck.

So I there I was 30, at the top of my field, licensed in the UK and New York, living in San Francisco far my English country roots, and my life was spinning out of control.

I was getting bigger and bigger, drinking more and more whilst adding little pharmaceutical elements to the cocktail.  Going out to all the cool hangouts in San Francisco with my 6 and 7 figure peers, I was known as The Martini Girl.

10 martinis on a Friday night was not unheard of.  And dont even suggest I eat dinner, it slows down the drinking.  Oh yes I was the veritable party girl.

Trouble was when the hoo ha was over and I was home alone I despised myself.  There was nothing good I could say about myself or my life yet there was a torrent of bad.

Every time I thought about an alternative life I came across the same stumbling block, what and how would I do anything to compare with being a lawyer.  I wanted out but had put myself in a prison, locked the door and thrown away the key.  There was no way out.

I had made my bed and had to lie in it.  Life happens.

At the height of my longing to get out I had the house fire.  After nearly dying and losing everything in the process, life changes.  Perspectives shift.  Value systems become very apparent.  Many lessons are learned and strength is gained from surviving.

When I left law three months later I had no idea what I was going to do.  Not a clue.  All I knew was I wanted to be happy, practice and teach Kundalini yoga, and read and write more.  As for how I would earn my living, I had no idea but I knew my severance could be stretched out to keep me for some time.

I felt silly at the time thinking there was something I was put here to do.  But the feeling got bigger and bigger and now nearly 10 years later I am sitting writing a blog where I talk about doing what I was put here to do, sharing my gift I was given to share.

Helping others do the same because we believe everyone has a unique gift to share.

Yes, I have had that feeling that there should be something more to life.  Looking back I had heard it a few times before I listened to it (and by that time it took nearly dying to hear it.)  And I had no idea what I was supposed to do, I just knew that was I was doing was not what I was supposed to do.

So I walked away.  Left the luxury world of six figures that was a cruel environment in which to expect my Soul to flourish.  Many of my friends drifted away after I stopped drinking and became vegan.  And I made many more friends.

How about you?  Have you heard that feeling knocking at your door?  Have you listened to it?  Are ypu taking action or hoping it will go away.  I would love to know.

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