Lost and found; finding the glory in the grit; miracles live here.

From my teacher.

I don’t expect miracles. I rely on them :).

I can still remember the day he said this to us, it was 2002, not many people were talking about miracles back then. It made me stand still. I had always thought of miracles as the big things-isn’t that how saints are anointed, they perform miracles right? And here was my teacher telling us he relied on them. Funny how hearing one phrase can be the catalyst for change. This was one of those phrases, and it set me thinking about what a miracle really is.

Recently I lost $200 on crisp $20 bills only to find it again. I thought of my teacher, I decided to release the money and the loss, to rely on the miracle of being with what is rather than whose fault it is. Now before you think I got all SuperHero over my substantial loss I only let go after being in tears in a parking lot. I released it to the universe, I let it go, only to come home to find it sitting on the table. I hadn’t lost it at all, it didn’t even leave the house, yet I had shed tears of grief and loss.

Unlike like the life I had planned before, in this new volume I often don’t know what’s next, but I do know that for 15 years I have never failed to get up to face the day. Tjrough experience, persistence and tears, I have learned that no matter how much grit comes my way, I can chose to find glory waiting on every corner, even if it is just the slightest sliver, I know that true glory lives in the real grit of my life, and yours too! And sometimes glory takes time to reveal itself out of the grit, it is becomes a test of faith knowing that where there is grit there is glory, they live side by side, if oftentimes hidden from one another.

Today I revel in the grit and glory of life. It has been another year of lessons. Not the deep ones of the past 15 years but the wide ones. The ones that reach wide and touch relationships to self, to others and to that which created us.

This past year of lessons have stretched and widened the boundaries of my being and continue to do so. Seeing my reaction to the lost and found money, I know my boundaries have not only deepened but widened. Before I returned home I had released the loss and grief to the Universe. Of course the inner voice said that I shouldn’t have been more careful, I was stupid, blah blah.

I didn’t listen to that voice, I let it go. I have learned that I cannot move forward with shit still weighing me down, in fact I don’t think anyone can move forward with shit weighing them down, and that includes you my love. It was a long year and the lessons were not always easy. And yes this time the money came back to me. But whether I found it or not, worrying and berating myself would not have made a jot of difference, other than to beat myself up one more time-it’s not like I don’t have lots of practice at self-flagellation, that whip didn’t do much good before, it is retiring now!

I found the miracle in the change in attitude. I’ve been practicing this to greater and lesser success for nearly 15 years now, and it never fails to leave me in awe that the more I release, the more I am released! I had made peace with myself before I knew I would find the money, that was my shift in perception, my change in attitude, that was my miracle. No big feats required, what a revelation!

The last two months of the year have been nominated as my months to kick ass and take names. I have already started and I’m not stopping now.

Last weekend I did 3 things I had been avoiding. I feel frigging bad ass about them in the shadow of this week passing by. Isn’t that what life is really about, feeling bad ass about what how you feel at the end of the day, week, month, year, and ultimately upon our last breath.

Tapeworm questions have been asked, answered and dissolved. A new project and collaboration started that excites me to my bones. And more exciting things are coming in 2016/2017 with live retreats and a year long transformation program.

Sometimes we have to get lost in order to be found.

As I sat and looked at the $200 on my table, I was reminded that each breath we take, each choice we take to widen the boundaries of our being, is a miracle, because each breath we take is the real miracle of it all. A shift is good and necessary but it is useless without the breath, for without the breath we are nothing. Without the breath we are nothing.

For me, the biggest lesson from almost dying is that without our breath nothing else matters. No good intention or positive vibration can bring the breath back and fill the body with life once the last breath has left this body we have on loan. Life begins and ends with the breath. It all starts and ends there.

Today as I share with you, I am reminded of the miracles that have me right where I am today and not somewhere else that I might have planned to be. Like they say, life happens as we are making plans! I had always planned my life, knowing which rung of success I needed to tackle next. In every field I worked, I wanted to be the best I could be. And I worked my ass off climbing those rungs and planing the next ladder of success to tackle.

I had to nearly die in order to find my way, to see that the ladders were but a distraction, an elusive carrot dangling forever in front of me, always to be chased, never to be eaten. Yes, I knew where I wes headed, but then after the fire there was an undeniable pit of emptiness inside of me, not the emptiness Lama would give me teachings on, but the kind that is hollow and damp, desolate and bereft. Turns out I had to get lost in order to be and it makes me smile as I type to think how often I have had to get lost in order to find myself here today. And no doubt, I will be get lost again, so I can once again find a little more of myself and my place. Life flows that way. It’s rarely a straight shoot to inner peace, it’s often more swirly like smoke rising as prayers to the heavens.

So many lessons come each time I find my way back, both today and each time before. Always a new lesson to be learned. A tweak to be made. Tonight I thank Universe for it all. The grit and the glory. No light without dark. May we all embrace the dark as part of the big picture of this glorious thing we call life.

May you find the miracles that you create in the grit and glory of your life unfolding. I would love to hear your tales of finding miracles in the grit and glory of your life, our stories are what connects us, and what connects us, heals us. May all beings be free from suffering and the causes of suffering.

Sending you love.

Sat nam