What will you get sweaty and messy for?

If you want a different result you have to be prepared to do something different~SCK

Are you stuck trying to make change doing the same thing you’ve always done?  Is it time to try something different?

The say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting a different result.

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Oh how many years I tried to starve myself and work out more, achieving neither most of the time, but having it as the ultimate goal all the time, the perfect partnership for failure.

And then after the fire, things appeared different-they weren’t really, what was different was my perspective. I had had a paradigm shift that would ripple out into my life for the years to come.

My world was turned upside down and inside out. My thoughts, assumptions and even my “knowledge” acquired to date all came into question.

From no connection to anything but my outer success, to a deep exploration of my darkest and, what I thought were my “nastiest” caves inside, there is very little in my world today that is the same as it was 13 years ago days before I rose from a house-fire on September 9, 2001.

That day everything changed for me, two days later the world would join me in my mourning, me for my home and possessions, them for the those lost and injured in the World Trade Center tumbling from the sky.

Those 5 days shook my world to the core, I almost fell out, instead I stepped off the ledge I had worked hard to climb. There was no place for Corporate Securities Law in my world. I had nearly died and found out how badly I wanted to live.

There was so much I wanted to experience, the hands of GrandFather Time wanted to brush my shoulders and I realized how much I wanted to stay.

I made a pact to do it differently. I had no idea how it would happen but I knew it HAD to happen.

It took nearly dying to wake me up. Today my life is very different.

From what I eat, to how I live, where I live, with whom I live and how I look, to how I feel, to how I dream, who I am, how I spend my time, how I spend my money, how I value my time, to how time and love are my most treasured assets-nothing is the same yet everything is because it is still me at the core, there is no before and after within this skin of mine, it was all me, and it still is me.

I had to split myself away from my former self to heal from within, outside of the constraints of the labels and social validation I got from who I was in the world via my career not my heart and soul.

I realized I didn’t want to be known for what I achieved, but for how much I loved and how wide I could love, for the depths of happiness I could find to plunge myself in, alongside the pools of despair that are all part of this process we call life.

And here we go again, my seed pod is busting open, the vastness within seeks to rip the seams holding it all together so a new shoot can appear, the survival instinct kicks in and wants to stop it, unchartered territory signals danger to this vigilante of keeping the the status quo…and then…

…Once again I am being reminded to go within and take stock before I get too stuck. I recognize the pattern now, I don’t resist as much though I rarely run toward it with joy either! I’m generally somewhere in between and I know through many experiences like this that it will be better on the other side.

Just as the world feels like it is falling apart the sun comes out and pierces through the sky, all is not lost, light will follow dark, what goes down will come up, such are the cycles and nature of life. The deeps ebbs come with the full flows and then there is every flow in between.

These cycles can shake us up or they can shake us down, through them we can really see what we are made of outside of the labels and assumptions we have picked up as our own “carry on” along the way. Only we didn’t pack these bags ourselves, they were “assembled” for us by way of environment and upbringing and we carry them into adulthood often claiming them as our own not knowing any different.

Until something hits a chord and we stand upright and take stock. We know at this point, without question, it is time. You may not even know what it is is time for or how it will happen but you know, it’s time.

Time to put the bags down, all of them, and go with empty hands, then decide which ones are yours and which have been borrowed or imposed from others, check those at the gate and don’t look back. Now go fill your new luggage with all that is yours, and yes you will probably have a few dives over to the dark side, there are nuggets of gold to be found when we find ourselves there.

I had no idea how this would all pan out and here I am, still standing, happier and healthier at 50 than I was at 27 or 37.  Something somewhere is working, these small perspective and paradigm shifts appear inconsequential at first glance, but like a seed set in soil and tended, they will grow, and the rewards will be reaped over time. Looking over my shoulder at the 16 years behind me I see how mighty those seedlings have become.

Below is a NoteToSelf that came through on FaceBook the other day.

I am (once again) in the cocoon phase too, ready to bust my wings out and I thought you might like this little note from within about the caterpillar and butterfly. I always come back to this beautiful story when the pain of gaining wings seems too much to bear but too necessary to forego.


“Nobody said transformation would be easy,” said the Butterfly to the Caterpillar.

Don’t give up little caterpillar, your wings are waiting for you on the other side of your cocoon, your life is going to get messier before it gets better, chaos always precedes the storm but after you get your wings will fly you away to a new life you could only a butterfly can dream of.

So hang in there and know there is no part greater than the whole, this mess is the shadow to your light, you need both, embrace the shadows and you will always have light on your side. Without a shadow you are no more, embrace the shadow and the light, two sides of the same coin.

Hold on baby, your time is coming. You will get your wings when it is time, now is not the time to rush, nobody said transformation is easy!”

Sending love to you if you are in the “ick and mush” of the caterpillar to cocoon to butterfly phase, it’s not always easy and sure ain’t pretty at times but it is oh so sweet when those wings finally break through.

And that is my message to you tonight, if you are feeling crushed by life and circumstances perhaps you too are in your cocoon waiting to bust out. Maybe there is a message in all that pain and mess. Hold on tight, we are going to keep chipping away at this, alone we can do so much, together we can do so much more.

And the heart of it all is that if we want something different we have TO DO something different and that is what got me here tapping away to you, the pacts I recently made to step more into my inner game than ever before and to do things that previously made me mighty uncomfortable-for I have found that those moments of discomfort can see us stepping into our greatness moments of glory.

Are you feeling the poke of your wings emerging or the molasses of your cocoon forming? What lies ahead of you when you get your wings? Where will you fly? Is your glory waiting in unclaimed baggage?

These are some of the questions I hope to get to know the answers to as you and I continue to share this journey.

I’d love to hear about where you are at, when we share others get to see they too are not alone, for though we truly are never alone, it can sometimes feel that way. I have felt alone and I don’t want anyone to feel that, I know you don’t either for you too have felt the cold war of loneliness as well I bet.

And if you are ready for some extra support and tools to help you along your way, come and check out our global community for change, it could be just what you’ve been looking for.

It’s time to eat my curry and get out of this chair, I hope you enjoyed this share, I am always happy (ok delighted) to hear from you.

Until next time I will see you on the other side, be kind to yourself in the meantime, you truly are worth it.

Sending buckets of love, unicorns and rainbows.