On Broken Promises and Breaking The Chains of Habit

I’m squirming and resisting, the reasoning inside my head sounds logical but then again, let’s face it, it oftens does at the time only later to reveal itself as a cute little self-sabo move.

So what is it this time?

It’s that damned FaceBook post I wrote 2 nights ago declaring I would write for the next 30 days.  I totally understand the intention behind the thought and as always my fingers reached all too quickly to publicly announce this so that I would be on the hook.

I need an App that judgment tests me every time I reach to publicly declare what I am about to do next.  Any takers?

And no I’m not expecting anyone else to keep track or even necessarily care whether my words show up daily.

This is not about others holding me accountable, it’s about me being held accountable to me, and then following through.

This one’s all about me, It’s about showing up to honor the commitments I make with myself in order to re-write decades of breaking more commitments than kept!

As I sit here looking at the board I realize these aren’t what I’m itching to share right now, I want to share stories and inspiration.  The soap box approach bores me and I’m certain it must bore you too.

I am happy to write daily, even though we are crazy busy (thank you Universe a million times for this year).  My writing muscles need a good 30 day run to loosen up and feel free enough to circulate once again.

These writing promises have been circulating within me since I left law in 2001.  It’s time I at least stop the voice that reminds me once again the words didn’t make it to the page.  Just more thoughts jumbling up on top of one another. Each another reason to beat myself up, again.

I’m tired of saying I will do it when…….. Here’s the thing about when, it is always when and never now!  Today those chains of habit hold me no more.  I declare independence on my terms.

So here’s the deal, like any good liberated lawyer I’m making a few carves outs and revisions to the original goal. I will:

1.     Write and post daily for the month of December, if only two words, and
2.    Share stories from the time of the fire to the current day.

And don’t worry about the board, I have written down everything on it and it will be clear for the New Year.

It’s funny how easy it is to break a promise to ourselves.  When I make a commitment with a friend or colleague, I keep it.  When I have a commitment with myself I have historically been HORRIBLE in the execution.

The problem with this is that even when the outside world doesn’t know anything about the broken promises littering our inner halls of habit, the only two people who are looking, are the most important, us and Spirit.

Every time we fail to follow through sets a precedent for the next time to go the same.  Habit is swift and can catch hold if us before we know it. The next thing we know we are habitually making and breaking promises like it’s what we do.

A friend just posted this quote on FaceBook tonight:

Tonight I once again toss my (self-imposed) chains to the side. I said I would write and I believe that there is sound reason to this, like an old engine my words need time to warm up and get through my system. They don’t have to be perfect they just have to be here.

They just have to meet the page.

SIDENOTE; What if I could adopt that last sentiment as a way of being?  I don’t have to be perfect I just have to be here…totally a side note as this spills out, but one worth thinking about now that it has made an appearance on the page.

I recently came across hard copies of some of the emails I wrote to my dear friends Goyo and Joseph when I was a lawyer in the months preceding the fire, I was so wretched sitting in my self imposed red carpet penitentiary (otherwise known as the office!).  Quite the emotional ride reading the words of that girl who was living a very different life and screaming to get out.

Little did I know when writing these emails that the fire would happen and my life would change forever.  Though I did have an inkling, deep down inside that something in my world was about to change that may shatter it before it put it back together.  I wrote about it in March 2001.  The fire was September 9, 2001.  Life would never be the same again.

These are the stories I want to share.

Yep, I like how that feels as it spills onto the page.  Much better, which only goes to show that even when you have made a commitment it is better to modify it so you can keep it, than to rigidly accept it only to fail at some point during.

Let the stories begin :).  I do love a good story, if you have one please share it (or the link) below, stories keep my world going round.

And how about you?  Do you find it easier to keep promises with others than with yourself?  I would love to know, it’s always good to see you are not the only nutter out there!

Live. Love.  Be Loved.