Present moment lessons from my sick bed…

That moment when you realize that even though you feel 150% better than you did, you still only feel about 40% of par! Yep, that’s where I am at right now.  I am typing to you from my phone, as Cemaaj drives us both into Petaluma. I felt optimistic when we left, now, only 15 minutes later I am not so sure. Something seeped into my body on Monday and I’ve been down and out until this morning-Saturday-it really knocked me off my feet and out of my senses.

Unlike my old self I didn’t resist, I didn’t try to muscle through-I know I can muscle through some sickness, I have had plenty of practice, and I also know that it is not the best way to deal with sickness when it comes a knocking. I did what I have now learned to be the best way to deal with it, I opened the door, let it in and I lay my ass down. To be honest I had no energy to do otherwise. I didn’t even go out of  the cottage for 4 days. Unheard of!

All I could do was lay down and let it work its way through. And today I woke up and drove to the coffee shop, I read for 30 minutes for the first time in nearly a week.

Now I am settling into the realization that I’m on the mend, as my gran would say, but not quite mended. A little more time will take care of that.

It was surreal time most of it. Like that drug induced hazy dazy feeling I used to get when the doctors had me on morphine, percocet and sleeping pills. Only this time no pills.

I have spent the last four days in my own surreal bubble. And this morning the bubble popped and left me one of those lovely thoughts we call realizations.

Another piece of the puzzle found its place. Another piece of me came home in the process. And what and how I offer to the world became even clearer.

I know that there are often more lessons to be had in sickness than I health, I learned the hard way. Now when I am sick I listen to what my body and spirit are trying to tell me.

Sometimes they knock us down because we try to do too much and don’t take the break we need so it takes us. Literally. I can’t think of a good time to be sick, but that’s never stopped sickness taking all the time it needs to give us the break we need.

It didn’t feel like that this time. This used to the most popular reason sickness knocked at my door. I’m good at taking my breaks now, as soon as I start to see the signs I start dialing down. Of course, I still love to push the boundaries of my being, so I can still fall prey to this one, human being feeling her way on the planet! But again, it didn’t feel like that this time.

Other times it’s because what we need to know is too much with all of life going on. So in order to get the the break we need to take in the information coming down we get put on our backs, and essentially in doing so, we are given all the time we need to let the change come in. Oh boy that sounds so woo woo but it really isn’t. Like a computer some things need space to be made available to use, we too get updates just like our computers, and we need space, physically and literally, and there’s nothing quite like being knocked off your feet to give you all the time you need!

It felt more like that. And today, as the pieces came together, I saw that even in sickness I can be given the gift, if only I am open to receive.

All week I took feeling so utterly terrible as an opportunity to be with what is rather than hoping for what is not. Meaning I let how I felt be how I felt rather than sitting there feeling sick and wishing I was not. That doesn’t help. Over the years I have learned that the simple practice of being in the present moment is always a good place to be.

It has been a week of being. For the most part I unplugged myself from the world, I let myself be grateful for the opportunity to practice being in the present moment so fully.

We are in town now, I am feeling the waves of recovery. I am on my way but keeping that present moment feeling with me. It is one of those lessons that is always timely to be reminded of. And that my dear is my lesson from being as sick as a dog, now I’m going to press send to you (this is my first note to you from my phone, I typed this into my phone onto our FaceBook page and had the idea to share it here with you instead, now that we have the blog up and working).

I think while I am here I am going to take a moment and sit with an iced chai to read one of my favorite texts, Santideva’s Guide to the Bodhisattva Way of Life. It feels so good, even at 40% of par, just to be here. It’s amazing how little will make us happy when we are as sick as a dog. There’s another lesson right there but let’s save that for another time.

How about you? What unexpected places do you find lessons to guide you in your life? I would love for you to share with me in the comments.  As always I am delighted we are here sharing our stories and truths together, alone we can so much but together we can do so much more.

With buckets of love, rainbows and unicorns,
Sat nam


PS Yes, sometimes we get sick because we just get sick. But even then, I challenge you to find a lesson in your sickness.