Six Powerful Words to Stop Saying Yes

I am one of those people that says yes too quickly only to regret it thereafter.  Well I used to be. I am happy to report I am getting better.  It wasn’t an easy journey getting to a point where I had to learn how to say no to others in order to say yes to myself.

As I became more aware of how I felt about commitments I made to others, and myself, a pattern emerged.  Someone would need something, I could help, I would say yes and then the sinking feeling would set in, either shortly thereafter or as the commitment approached.

And then I happened upon this quote and it literally changed the way I go about saying yes or no.

As a visual person I read the quote and immediately saw ginger and celery running through the juicer.  Shoot we’ve made just about a zillion juices on this journey, it was a familiar sight.  Not very much ginger juice and lots of celery juice.

Not all veggies juice the same. Some take a lotta work and veggie for not much juice and others just turn themselves into all juice with minimal work, I’m thinking ginger and watermelon here.

But how does this apply to all important decision making you might ask?

When someone asks me something that requires a commitment answer, a yes or no, I use the quote to think through what I am really committing to.  We all know how easy it is to get caught up the tidal wave of martyrdom and being everything to everyone and a stranger to ourselves don’t we?

I say yes and it’s fuzzy until the cold light of dawn when I realize that although it might have sounded good at the time, it just doesn’t feel right.  I can feel myself starting to squirm inside, and suddenly I am trying to work out how to say no, which is what I should have said and didn’t manage in the first place, and now I have to reverse my yes.

It’s a mindfuck I don’t like being in.

And I don’t like letting people down but here’s what I have realized along the way, we cannot get distracted helping others only to be a stranger to our needs and dreams. Sometimes it is necessary to back out gracefully for the sake of your Self.  You cannot give to others what you do not give to yourself. Or what you should be giving to yourself.

I’ve learned these lessons the hard way.  I have squirmed one too many times, and occasionally still find myself in a metal tangle wondering how on earth I am going to get out of this one!

But when I pause and take time to consider the filter question, “Is the juice worth the squeeze?” my answer is much more rational and one I can live with in the cold light of dawn.

It makes me consider everything that is needed by me and the other party to complete the commitment.  What do I need to do, by when, what variables could be encountered, and does this fit any part of my purpose, are some of the questions that come up.

It boils down to deciding whether the outcome is worth the effort it takes to get there.

It can sift out the gold nugget opportunities and make an otherwise good idea quickly look like more of a burden.

Perhaps it’s just me but this is one of my favorite tools I have encountered, it is so simple it sounds almost ludicrous but I am done with judging things on what they sound like until I have a direct experience.

And what I know if is that when I use this to filter outside requests, or even promises I am making to myself,  I feel much better about the outcome.  When I feel better about the outcome I don’t have to spend time squirming in mental anguish about how I can get out of something I willingly (and stupidly) said yes to-and that definitely makes me feel better.

And guess what, when I feel better I make better decisions so it turns out to be a win all round.

Six little words that help keep my world in order.  I invite you to invite them into your world.  It was a game changer for me, maybe it will do the same for you-at the very least it may save you from some dreary engagements that you might otherwise have felt obliged to say yes to!

Stay tuned as I blog daily for the month of December (it’s a personal challenge thing!).  I will be sharing tales from my journey and talking more about the power of saying No and how it to do it if you struggle.

Now your turn, what’s one way you keep your own world order?  I would love to know.

And remember the next time you are confronted with a request, ask yourself, “Is the juice worth the squeeze?”

May all your fruits and veggies be juicy ones and may your decisions be wise ones you feel good about 

Live. Love. Be Loved.