When it becomes time to unfurl from the pain + on letting go with the eclipse

She had told me to turn out the light when I am was done on the table. It was my third acupuncture appointment with Dr Chang. At the time I would not know that we would become life long friends and that my life would take a radical turn, these are things I did not know.  As my friend Gail always reminds me, we don’t know what we don’t know.

But what I did know was that I felt better after a session with Dr Chang. Looking back I can see I was going through a big shift i n my life, I was practicing law in San Francisco and feeling the emptiness of my dream unfolding and it caused me to start looking outside of my career, and inside myself, for satisfaction for the first time in my life.

Every Sunday I trekked to Berkeley to take teachings with a Buddhist Lama. It was upon his recommendation that I found myself in Dr CHang’s office that day. He knew I was beyond stressed and thought some acupuncture might do the trick.

To be honest, I was skeptical with a side of despair. I wanted to feel anything but the abyss inside that was getting bigger and bigger. So I called Dr Chang and lay on her table.

After (now) years of energy work of my own, I can only imagine what Dr Chang could see and feel in my tormented body and soul. Each time I went I felt a little more calm inside. At the time I was surrounded by type A personalities all chasing myriad carrots, just seeing Dr Chang had a calming effect like I had never known.

So here I was, at the end of my treatment, all the needles had been removed and I was left in a semi lit room with music playing. They were the quietest moments of my life to date.

I got off the table, feeling quietly serene, a totally alien feeling in my body, and walked over to the light switch. And there above the switch was a small piece of paper with the Anais Nin quote that would be forever tucked into my heart and would be a catalyst for taking the leap in myriad situations yet to arise. I pulled out my journal and scribbled down the quote.

The words struck me to my core. Here I was, half way across the world, dedicating myself and my health, to my career. The very career that I thought was my dream unfolding only to get there and find myself playing the lead role in my own living nightmare.

Can you feel the magnitude of what these words capture? Do they strike you at your core? Have you felt a pain so deep that it became more than the pain it would take to blossom?

It’s 16 years since that day in Dr Chang’s office. Our friendship deepened and my life took turns and twists even my fertile imagination could not muster up.

And here we are with an eclipse happening, it happens to be cloudy here so we won’t be seeing it outside but you can see a livestream here.

Many indigenous cultures do not gaze at the eclipse as many across America plan to do, but rather stay they stay inside both physically and mentally, taking part in a ritual to go within.

So whether you can see the eclipse or not, it is happening, the energy is sweeping across all of us. Eclipses signify shifts, completions, endings and releasing, along with new beginnings, new directions and openings. It is a powerful convergence of energies that can be harnessed to bring about the changes you want to make.

Where are you holding onto pain that might be painful to unfurl but will in turn create the space for what you want bloom? Whether the eclipse is visible to you or not, know you can sit quietly with your breath and your thoughts, you can be the co-creator in what life throws your way and today is a celestial time to take a moment to breathe into unknown blessings already on their way.

Life is not always easy, especially at times of change, and it is in our practice that we can seek and find comfort.  The one constant is change, so whatever is happening right now is temporary, it too shall pass.  Whilst we cannot control what life throws at us, we can (learn to) better control how we react to it.

Take a moment today and let your mind roam, this is time to pause, reflect and reset, the portals are open, anything is possible.

I am going to go and light a fire and take some reflection time with Cemaaj under the cloudy skies, just because I can’t see it doesn’t make it any less powerful.  How about you, will you take a moment to unfurl from the pain of being closed tight in a bud? I’d love to know.

I will be back again tomorrow, I think we are on day 27 of 40 days of writing, day by day, post by post, I am keeping my agreement with myself, on choppy days it truly is my anchor.

Always in love

Sat nam